Ever So Slightly Insane
by the beautiful angel
Summary: "MIROKU IS IN THE HOTSPRINGS NAKED! KOHARU, WHO IS ALSO NAKED, HAS JUST JOINED HIM!"


It all began one fateful afternoon when Koharu- the girl had decided to get rid of her "competition for Miroku"- had finally been gotten rid of with a simple knock upside the head. Miroku had been trying to fend the preteen off for a while on his own, trying to tell her that he was engaged, to leave him alone, but Sango had gotten pulled into the fight when she came to help him (Hikari, the resident fanfic-author-stuck-in-Sengoku- Jidai, had informed her that Koharu was groping Miroku). And this is where our story begins.

Koharu flopped to the ground and disappeared, RPG-style, from existence. Sango heaved a sigh of relief while Miroku shook his head.

"She scared me, Sango," he complained, not exactly used to being the one being groped.

"She scares everyone, Miroku," Sango commented, not catching herself until after the houshi's name had passed her lips. Damnit. I've done it now...

Sure enough, Miroku looked surprised. "You... you called me by my first name!"

Trying not to make a big deal out of it, Sango sweatdropped. "Umn... yeah."

"Aww! Cute!" Hikari wailed, snapping pictures. She had appeared from seemingly nowhere. Sango's cheeks blazed with a furious blush.

"Hikari!" she shouted, embarassed. The fanfic authoress simply giggled in response. Sango sighed. "Don't make me destroy that camera."

Hikari wasn't paying attention. "I think I'll submit this to Yakusoku To Negai!" She grinned evilly and glanced over at Sango. "And it's too late! The film's already developed!"

Stunned, Sango's jaw dropped. Hikari just giggled as the exterminator stumbled over her words. "Wh-what? How is that POSSIBLE?"

"One-second developers are wonderful!" Hikari continued to giggle.

Sango lunged for the pictures, hell-bent on destroying the evidence that she had called Miroku... well, Miroku. Hikari just tossed the photos at her, shrugging. She had the negatives stashed someplace safe, anyway... She grinned as Sango whistled Kirara over and set the pictures on fire using the demon kitty's tails and sighed with relief.

Hikari chose that very moment to burst out laughing again. "I have the negatives!"

"What?"

"And you'd NEVER look in the place I've hidden them!"

Sango's eyes went wide and she turned around to glance at Miroku, who was rooted to the spot. "She didn't hide them on you, did she...?"

"I don't know," the monk blinked. She sweatdropped.

"He wouldn't know if I hid them on him... or IN HIS ROBES!" Hikari cried, laughing demonically.

Sango glared. "I knew it!"

Looking almost bored, Hikari continued. "You'd really try to get them out...? Like I said, you'd NEVER look there."

The youkai exterminator thought about this, then smiled slowly. "I can wait until he has to wash his robes."

Hikari giggled. "I wash his clothes."

Sango sat down heavily, trying to think. Hikari peered down at her, still grinning brightly.

"Whatcha gonna do?" One could almost hear the Jeopardy music playing in the background..."The only way you can get the negatives..."

"I don't KNOW!" Sango cried, flopping onto her back.

"Yes, you do."

"That's true, but I'm not about to do that." She thought for a moment, then sat up, snapping her fingers. "A-ha!"

"What?" Hikari asked.

"Kirara... go get the negatives," she said to her pet demon cat. "Sniff them out and bring them back to me."

"That won't work!" Hikari sang.

Kirara just blinked and trotted over to Miroku, the loyal little firecat she was. She peered up at him with an innocent mew. Hikari giggled, walked over to the monk, and clung onto his arm, making Sango glare at her from where she was sitting. Almost immediately, Miroku leapt backwards from Kirara with a yowl.

"N-N-NEKO!" he screamed, running a little ways away from her.

"M-Miroku-sama...? What's the matter?" Sango sweatdropped. Hikari beamed.

"I gave him a Ranma-potion."

"Oh, no..." Sango groaned, and fell back to thinking for a moment. "This isn't going to work, no matter what I come up with..." She sighed heavily, surrendering. "I give up. You can keep the negatives."

Cackling evilly, Hikari leapt up with a cheer and proceeded to publish the pictures on the Internet. Sango just flopped back onto her back and stared at the sky blankly, feeling devoid of emotion from being defeated. She only twitched slightly when Hikari shouted "Naked Houshi-sama!"

"No, I'm serious! He's in the hot springs in the forest!" the fanfic author cried. When Sango didn't respond, she summoned a megaphone from Hammerspace and bellowed at her. "KOHARU'S WITH HIM!"

She awoke slowly from her comatose state and sat up. "What...?" She shook her head to clear her grogginess.

"Sango!" Hikari said.

"Huh?"

"MIROKU IS IN THE HOTSPRINGS NAKED! KOHARU, WHO IS ALSO NAKED, HAS JUST JOINED HIM!"

In a rare show of protectiveness over the houshi, Sango's eye twitched viciously and she rose to her feet with a dangerous look on her face. She hopped on Kirara (who transformed just sensing her master's rage), rode to the hot springs, lifted Koharu up by the scruff of her neck, and threw the girl over the horizon. No sooner had she stopped puffing from her anger did Hikari pop up beside her, push her off her transformed pet demon, and made sure that the girl fell on top of Miroku. She zoomed off, giggling insanely, and snapped pictures furiously.

Sango and Miroku just stared at each other, faces bright red, both stammering. Sango composed herself enough to apologize profusely, then charged off to find Hikari. She found the authoress not too far away, grinning at her pompously.

"WHY must you do this to me?" Sango demanded, glaring.

"Because I just think you and Miroku make such a cute couple!" she said brightly.

She blushed. "I appreciate the compliment, but really, you don't have to let the world know."

"Of course I do."

"No... you don't."

"Yes! I do! I just want to see you two get together!" She glared at Sango viciously. "If you're in love with the guy, you have to ADMIT IT!" Sango just glared back her. "TELL HIM!"

She shook her head. "No... I can't do that."

"Why? You already agreed to bear his child."

"It's just that everyone I've ever loved has died..." she said, sweatdropping and blushing. "And Naraku would only manipulate us against each other..."

"Pfft. So? You don't see Inuyasha and Kagome splitting apart after being manipulated against each other God knows how many times. JUST TELL HIM! Ask to talk to him in private. Be very casual about it. Start with something that wouldn't indicate what you're going to tell him! THEN TELL HIM!"

Sango bit her lip nervously. "I'll..uh... tell him tomorrow. Yeah."

"No, you will tell him now."

"Tomorrow."

Taking matters into her own hands, Hikari waved to Miroku, who was walking up the path. "MIROKU-SAMA!"

"Hmm?" he murmured, as he walked up towards them. He blinked at Sango, whose face was growing redder by the minute.

"Umn... hi, Miroku-sama..." she mumbled.

"Ossu, Sango," he greeted.

"Sango-chan wants to talk to you in private!" Hikari chimed.

"Um... okay, Hikari." She giggled and walked away, leaving the monk to turn and look at Sango confusedly. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

She stared down at her feet, trying to think of what to say, but only got out a weak cough. Miroku looked startled and felt her forehead.

"Are you okay? You might have a fever..."

"Umn, yeah, I... haven't been feeling too well today..."

He shook his head, concerned. "We can talk while we walk back to the hut."

"Umn, sure..." They strolled along in silence, until Sango finally managed to think something up to talk about. "This is... kinda off-subject, but have you seen Inuyasha lately? Kagome-chan was asking earlier..." That'll work, I guess.

"No, I haven't. Maybe he went to look for her."

"Maybe."

They walked on in silence again, Sango's mind racing.

May as well just say it now... she thought, and cleared her throat. "Umn... c-can I tell you something...?"

"Sure," he said, looking puzzled.

"Uh, I've been thinking, and... I just really think I should t-tell you...Umn..." She crushed her words together into one. "IthinkI'minlovewithyouMiroku-sama."

He stopped dead in his tracks. "Wh-what?"

She stared down at her feet, wincing. "Uh, I... I... think I'm in love with you, Miroku-sama."

Hikari had been spying the whole time and was perched up in the Go-Shinboku tree armed with her trusty camera. "WHOO-HOO! GREAT JOB, SANGO-CHAN!"

Both of them blushed from her outburst. Giggling gleefully, she snapped a picture and ran off. "Kami-sama..." Sango muttered, and froze when Miroku's hand reached out and took hers. She jumped.

"M-Miroku-sama...?" He squeezed her hand.

"That... makes me happy, Sango." She gulped.

"Umn... you... don't have anything else to say?"

"I'm just happy to know that the one I love loves me back," Miroku finished.

"You mean it?" Sango asked happily. He smiled.

"Hai."

She hugged him tightly, at a complete loss for words. Hikari was secretly taping the whole thing. Sango sighed.

"Thank Kami-sama Hikari isn't spying on us anymore..."

Hikari sweatdropped upon hearing that. That's what YOU think...

After a moment of just standing there, Sango broke the silence with a soft "Miroku-sa-er, kun?"

"Hai?" he replied, absently running his fingers through her hair.

She smiled sadly. "I promise we'll get rid of that curse soon."

"Hai," he said again, smiling back. She leaned her head against his shoulder, chuckling.

"Do you think Inuyasha would have a heartattack from shock if he saw us like this...?"

"Yeah, I'm sure he would," Miroku chuckled. "I think Kagome-sama would have the same reaction as Hikari."

"Probably."

Hikari suddenly burst from the bushes, waving the camera around and yelling gleefully. "I GOT THE WHOLE THING ON TAPE! WAFF! I GOT THE WAFF ON TAPE!"

The couple froze.

"I knew it was too good to be true!" Sango wailed. Miroku sweatdropped.

"Yeah..."

"And there's NOTHING you can do about it!" Hikari giggled. "I already uploaded it to Kazaa! People have already downloaded it!"

"I'm sure we can manage revenge, ne, Miroku-kun?" Sango asked.

"Hai."

Both of them grinned evilly.

And thus ends part one.


End file.
